Any mother in America who has lost a child will tell you it is an exquisite pain no woman ever truly gets over. Most people seem to understand this when the topic is not adoption but suddenly forget it when the topic is adoption. Discriminating against adult adoptees by keeping their identities secret from them is not the answer to healing in the face of this pain.

It is far from the truth to believe we, mothers of adoption loss, are actually protected in any way when we deny an adopted person access to their original birth certificate. In fact, this belief actually reinforces the misogyny we experienced as women who were shunned and shamed for becoming pregnant out-of-wedlock in a more conservative society.

Ultimately, restoring women’s agency and autonomy requires a commitment to social justice and equity, recognizing and challenging the systemic injustices that have contributed to the trauma of past adoption practices in America. Challenging narratives that pit mothers of adoption loss against adoptees is one way today's feminists can support us.

The consumer DNA industry has brought an end to the era of genetic and adoption secrecy. The irony is that it has also created a very public way to identify relatives. When we listen to adoptees, they tell us they feel forced to use consumer DNA to circumvent discriminatory policy that denies them their original birth certificates. They tell us if they had their original birth certificates, they could initiate private and direct communication which is what we prefer as well.